Marriage is hard. It’s a well known fact, and it’s something that takes a lot of time and attention to flourish. Nobody walks down the aisle with divorce or separation in mind, but these are things that happen as you go through life with someone else. You fall in love, you get married and you have your happily ever after – but a happily ever after isn’t something that you can just magic out of thin air. It’s something that you have to work at, and sometimes that work is boring and you hate it and you want to give up. But that love that you have for each other keeps you moving.
You grow together in a marriage; you age and change together. You could marry a young, handsome man without a care in the world, and then you watch him change into a parent, advance in his career, retire one day and all of these things change him as much as they change you. You have to be willing to water the grass you’re standing on if you hope to grow, and most of the time, people find that their love is what makes this happen easily. Others need some help. Sometimes, this comes in the form of therapy as a couple or separately, and other times it’s in the form of a spiritual retreat with CenacleSisters.org so that you can reconnect under God with the vows you made to each other. You may be together in a marriage, but you need a good support system, so whether you are using prayer or you’re using therapy to help you get through the hard times, leaning on that support can get your marriage right back where it was supposed to be in the first place.
Marriage is about giving: giving yourself to your partner, giving your time and your love and your effort. The one mistake that people tend to make is giving too much. You may be in a relationship with each other, but that doesn’t mean that you have to lose your sense of self. You’re a whole person all by yourself, and your spouse enhances and complements who you are; but you’re not half of a person without them. Learn how to prioritize your own needs – physically, emotionally and spiritually – and implement them into your marriage. All you’re going to do is show that you have some self-confidence and self-respect enough to take time for yourself and what you want from your life.
People fight in a marriage, and fighting is fine: it’s how you air out any problems and issues that you may be feeling. You could build up an awful lot of resentment simply by telling your spouse that you’re ‘fine’ when you don’t feel fine at all. Instead, never go to bed on an argument. Marriage can and does get diluted by careers, children, social lives and hobbies, but this is where you have to make the time to talk and communicate to each other your happy thoughts and the ones that just aren’t so happy. Get back on track with the right support, and you can enjoy the happiest of marriages.
